Roller Coaster

sitting, reflecting on life.
on where things went wrong
and how i cannot seem to be motivated to be more than i am being.
listening to Queen,
flying backwards in memory.  
Freddie sings about going back to a roller coaster ride.
I flashback to the first time I ever felt like a man.
At Canobie Lake Park, in the 7th or 8th grade.
An unobtainable crush,
encouraging me to move past my fears.
Getting me on the corkscrew one.
squeezing my hand over the harnesses to reassure me innocently.
Her screams filling my ears for years...
i felt strong after,
i fell in love with being fast,
although i am so physically slow.
she remained forever out of reach,
but in those few moments,
i went from a pubescent male
to a barrel chested man.
the world seemed like it was mine to conquer.
it was so much simpler back then.
that memory begins to fade,
another one takes it place,
almost two decades later.
A haunted house attraction,
strangers never met,
loves eternal.
the bride wraps her arms around me momentarily.
i feel that same pride, that same energy throughout me.
And although I can never partake of her flesh,
that heaven...
and i felt again like a man.
so rarely have i felt it.
so vividly i remember it.
yes there were more times in my life i felt it
but memories are linked liked songs in memory.
so yes Freddie, I to sing your lyrics...
"You can't turn back the clock you can't turn back the tide
Ain't that a shame
I'd like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride
When life was just a game"
And I, smile and move on.
Life is but one tragic song.

(references These are the Days of Our Lives by Queen, from the album Innuendo).